Start by letting them know
you’re ready to listen
When a friend, colleague or student seems different from usual, one sincere question can be an important beginning. You do not need to solve everything. Start by listening, stay in touch and look for suitable support together.
How you begin matters more than saying everything perfectly
Choose a quiet, private moment when neither of you is in a rush. Begin with what you have genuinely noticed.
Keep your tone calm and let them decide how much they want to share.
Begin with what you have noticed
“I’ve noticed you’ve been quieter lately, and I’m worried about you. How have things been?”
Give them a choice
“If you’d like to talk, I’m here to listen. If now isn’t the right time, that’s okay too.”
Stay connected
“Shall I check in with you tomorrow? You don’t have to face this alone.”
Look for changes that are unusual, persistent or becoming more pronounced
A single sign does not necessarily mean that someone is suicidal. What matters is not dismissing your concern, and asking with care about what they may be going through.
Words and emotions
Repeatedly saying there is no hope, that they are a burden or that life has no meaning; sudden low mood, agitation or despair; or an unusual sense of calm after a long period of distress.
Behaviour and circumstances
Withdrawing from others, saying goodbye or giving away valued possessions; marked changes in sleep, eating, alcohol or drug use; or recent loss, relationship breakdown, financial difficulty or health pressures.
When you are worried about their safety
ask gently and directly
For example: “Have you been thinking about hurting yourself or ending your life?” Asking directly does not put the idea into someone’s mind. A clear question helps you understand the immediate risk and shows them that it is safe to talk about suicide.
If they say yes
Stay calm and keep listening. Ask whether they have a plan, a time or a method, and whether they can stay safe right now. Do not promise to keep an immediate danger secret. Contact appropriate professional or emergency support as soon as possible.
When danger is immediate, put safety first
Stay with them, or arrange for someone trustworthy to do so. Where it is safe, move away anything they could use to harm themselves. Call 999 or accompany them to the nearest Accident and Emergency Department, and let them know you will stay until help arrives.
You can also talk to someone about your own worries
Supporting someone in distress can be exhausting and overwhelming. You can use our hotline or email service to talk through your own feelings and consider what to do next.
Look after yourself, too
Invite other trusted people to share the support, agree a pattern of contact you can sustain and seek emotional support for yourself when you need it. You are not solely responsible for another person’s safety.
Together, we can help
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